Sensing Gray.

By

Hibiki

 

I watched as Piro put in that game from Tubassa. I sighed, realizing he wouldn’t go look for a job yet again and went into the kitchen to get a snack before I had to leave for school. Then after that I would head to my job, a small corporation’s security had picked me up almost immediately when they heard I was an ex cataclysm division agent. The money went to the apartment, paying off my tuition, and supporting myself and Piro. Piro had withdrawn from the world it seemed since returning, much like I was before our trip. I dug in slowly at my quick bowl of instant ramen. I blanched, the taste left something to be desired. The time me and Erika found that little ramen shop in Nerima, they had good noodles. I feel myself smile wistfully. She practically had to force feed me before I got the hang of chopsticks. My smile falters; I idly play with the ramen now, as the chopsticks twirling slowly in the mess. I miss her so much. I resist the urge to pull out that photo in my wallet.

 

I shake the thoughts from my mind as I finish off the ramen before grabbing my coat, calling out my leaving to Piro then heading out. I walk, despite having a car, it reminds me of Japan when I walk. It was always so crowed with cars, it was better to just walk. I had fun walking with everyone in Japan. Some of my most memorable moments were of me, Erika, Junpei, Piro and Kimiko just walking, laughing, and hanging out. How odd, back then, it seemed like I was so crazy, that everything was so skewed out of proportions. That Miho girl who graduated from my class, the gamer I remember all so well, always ready for another game. How wrong I was of her, zombie queen, what was I on? I wonder how she’s doing. I wonder how they all are doing. If they’re okay, are they safe, alive even, and… if she’s found someone else by now. I would be happy; she took my advice and was happy. My face went slack as I tried to reign my feelings again. Why can’t I get her out of my mind, even after everything? Clouds are forming to the north, looked like rain soon. I hurried on my way.

 

Class was the same as usual, took a test, I knew all of it. It was just something to keep my mind off her, something I could do to maybe become someone she could be proud of to love, that her fans would appreciate. I sighed, a fools errand if I saw one, I doubt I will see her again. I know she said she didn’t care, I know she said it was okay, but I knew, had I stayed, I would have brought her down with me.

 

I finished my classes and headed to my work, the sky was growing dark and soon I saw lightning dance among the clouds. My thoughts returned to Erika. When they found that I was seeing her, the fans went hostile. That month afterwards, despite all the good and happiness we shared, will always be remembered by us by that last day. It was a lot like this weather wise, I met up with her at the park, like we normally did, and we would walk, her on my arm as we just talked about nothing and everything at the same time. I have relieved this moment so many times, in my dreams, and in my nightmares as well.

 

“Largo?” I looked to her; she smiled and pulled me into a kiss. I smiled at the memory, her lips were so soft, and I often find myself longing just to feel those lips against mine again. We lost ourselves in it and I almost didn’t hear the sound of a knife being pulled. Pulling her to the side I felt the knife graze my side, a small wound, nothing I wasn’t use to, but Erika, her face as she saw the blood spill. That look pains me to this day. It was a fan, a man who seemed to look to her with wild eyes, a glazed look as he said words to her, her eyes widened more in fear even more. Later on, when I was back in America I looked up what he said, ‘If I cannot have you, no one will.’ My blood chills at remembering the words, as it did then. I quickly moved to protect Erika, as the man charged, he had little skill, and years of gaming had given me some skill in blade fighting. I broke his arm, knocked him out and removed the weapon from his grasp. Sonada came and arrested the man, then my old associate in the CD told me the gist of Erika’s position, just how much was at stake because of me and I knew then, I had to leave her. Silently I took her home, to the arms of Kimiko, asked the younger girl to watch her in my halting Japanese, then left for home. I didn’t want to leave Erika. I didn’t want to leave Japan, I felt more alive there then I had ever felt in America. But I knew.

 

I made it to my job, and as usual the company members left, and I alone watched the building from the guard house. Alone I pulled the photo from my pocket. My idol angel, a smile just for me, for I knew her face by heart. The photo had seen a lot of use, and I am so very thankful I scanned in the picture when I got it, because to lose the only piece I have left of her… I would die, and I know now, no respawn here in real life. I got it from her that morning, oh yeah, that was the day Piro told me about the tickets, a way ‘home’, too.

 

“Largo! I finally got enough to go home!” I looked up at him, I felt so drained, so tired, I fought so hard and to realize that I had to let her go, nothing felt right. I looked at the tickets as if they were both a blessing and a curse, because, to me, they were. I took a sip at my then tepid b33r, the urge to drink had long since faded the more I found something to focus on. Erika was my focus then, and even to this day, she still is. I rose; wincing as the movement tugged at the small wound, Piro never knew I was injured that day. Piro looked to me as told him I would be back; as I left the rains began. I went to a payphone and called her up.

 

She agreed to see me at the park like before, since it was between her house and Megagamers. I stood at our spot, feeling the rain soak me as I saw her approach, she under a dark umbrella while wrapped in an overcoat, I felt something inside myself begin to ache and I pulled her to me. I told her what was happening, that I had to leave. Somewhere along the way I had begun to cry, yeah I know, Mr. b4d455 Largo crying over some Chick? I guess that shows how much she meant… means to me, I never cried that hard before. She knew what I said and only asked me once not to go, her calm face slowly falling away as tears began to form in her eyes. Those eyes though, no matter how sad, they were alive.

 

“Largo, please stay, I don’t care about them, I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, I just want you to be you.” I silenced her with a single kiss, taking in all that I could of her, while slipping a ring onto her finger. It was to be our second month anniversary in little over a week’s time, and that ring was to be her present. What, surprised I could be romantic? I was myself. Erika always brought the best out of me. When I released her, she was sobbing, she knew I was going.

 

“Please be happy, goodbye, Erika.” My final words to her, I turned and began walking away, I tried very hard not to look back. If I looked back and see her crying I would never be able to leave her... I failed, but when I did I found she was gone, almost as if she was never there. But I know she was, she had changed me so much, I would never be able to forget her, not even in a million years. Largo the gamer, the never changing idiot had changed from the love of

 

The time nears midnight, and the shift change happens as usual, Carl, or whatever his name is takes over. I barely talked to him, but he understood enough to know when to talk to me and when not to. His wife just divorced him recently; he at least got an end to his relationship. I still wonder what she thinks about us, about that ring I left her. Does she wear it?

 

 I got an answer to it in a way, not to long ago. Erika sang a song on the radio, a new one. Its sad haunting melody echoed the pain I felt from that day, and from it, the pure mindless urge to hop on a plane and return to my home and my love was almost beyond me to resist. I had to get myself as drunk as to where I couldn’t do it no matter how much I wanted to, to stop myself. That was probably the first time Piro ever saw me cry, those he thinks he was hallucinating. Piro still denies everything, as if it never happened, he hasn’t changed. It was as if he is asleep from reality. How ironic, we have switched roles, he and I. I did change, I awoke and moved on and I know, one day, I will try my damnedest to return to her. But now, I am not good enough.

 

I open the door to our apartment and I hear the sounds of crying. I quickly run over to Piro, and notice he was alright; I laid a hand on his shoulder as I look to the TV.

 

{I love you, Piro.}

 

I shake my head ruefully. Are you awake now, Piro?